From Comparison to Calling: Embracing God's Parenting Vision

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” (Deuteronomy 6:5-7)

Several years ago, I had the privilege of traveling to be with my sister and her family during one of the most difficult seasons of their lives—while my sister was undergoing cancer treatments and dealing with the painful side effects. Though it was a deeply painful time, I was filled with joy and a sense of purpose as I helped care for their three young children. With about eight years of parenting experience under my belt at that time, I was eager and confident to step in and take over the "mom duties" for a while.

But very quickly, I realized something unexpected—something I wasn’t prepared for. At first, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. But then, the truth became clear in a way that was both humbling and eye-opening: my sister’s young children were incredibly well-behaved.

There were moments when I thought I was seeing things, like a vision of angelic calm during a dinner hour. I would look over and see my three-year-old niece asking for more broccoli, her hands folded in a gesture of gratitude. In disbelief, I’d rub my eyes, but sure enough, the scene was real. My sister was sitting there, calm and collected, managing dinner time with a peaceful grace that I could hardly believe.

In that moment, I felt a deep sense of inadequacy. My own dinner times at home, where I’d often bargain with my children—“I’ll give you ten M&M’s if you eat just one more bite of broccoli”—felt worlds apart from the serene scenes I was witnessing in my sister’s home. The contrast left me questioning my own parenting skills, and a familiar feeling of insufficiency began to creep in.

Isn’t it amazing how quickly we, as parents, begin to compare ourselves to others? We look around, noticing how other moms seem to have it all together, how their children behave with such grace and how their homes are calm and organized. And in that moment, inadequacy seeps in. We start to feel as though we’re falling short in every area—whether it’s the way we manage our homes, our ability to creatively entertain our children, or simply our efforts to get them to eat a few vegetables. We begin to measure our worth as parents by a standard that isn’t even our own.

This constant comparison can be exhausting. When we try to live up to someone else’s parenting ideal—whether it’s the perfectly calm mother, the super-creative craft maker, or the high-powered career mom—we set ourselves up for frustration. The bar gets raised higher and higher, and we never seem to reach it. And so, we tell ourselves we’ve failed. We believe the lie that our value as parents is tied to how closely we measure up to someone else’s parenting journey or our children’s behavior.

But here’s the truth: there is freedom in releasing ourselves from these unattainable standards and instead embracing the simple, yet profound, command God has given us as parents. Deuteronomy 6:5-7 lays out God’s standard for parenting, and it’s not about perfection or meeting every external expectation. It’s about wholehearted devotion to God and faithfully passing that devotion on to our children.

Loving God, Loving Our Children

In these verses, God gives us a clear and beautiful directive: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and might, and teach these things diligently to your children. It's not a 12-step program for perfect parenting. It's not about achieving flawless outcomes. It’s about the steady, consistent commitment to love God with everything we are, and to make that love visible in our daily lives. This is the standard we’re called to, and it’s wonderfully freeing.

But here’s the catch: we can’t do this on our own. We can’t love our children with the depth and grace that we’re called to without first knowing and experiencing the love of Jesus. We need Him. We need His help, His grace, and His strength to be the kind of parents He has called us to be. Without Him, we’re left to lean on our own efforts—and that’s when we start to feel overwhelmed and inadequate.

But with Jesus, we find the grace to show love, patience, and kindness, even on the most difficult days. We find the wisdom to make decisions and the strength to persevere. In Christ, we are reminded that we are not alone in this journey of parenting.

The Purpose of Parenting

When we focus on God’s standard, our perspective shifts. Parenting is no longer about meeting unrealistic expectations or trying to impress others. It’s no longer about making our children happy or achieving some ideal vision of family life. The purpose of our parenting is far more profound: to be faithful - to point our children to God, to teach them His love, and to demonstrate His grace in the rhythms of daily life.

In Deuteronomy, we are reminded that our conversations with our children should revolve around God's Word. It should be in the conversations we have as we sit at home, as we walk through the day, and even as we lay down at night. This doesn’t mean we have to be perfect or have all the answers, but it does mean that our hearts and minds should be consistently focused on God’s truth and His love. As we live out our faith, our children will see it, and they will begin to internalize the truth of who God is and who they are in Him.

When we remember that our children ultimately belong to God, we can let go of the pressure to make them look a certain way or to make them "perfect." They are God’s children first and foremost, and our role is to help them understand and embrace His love.

Finding Joy in God’s Standard

There is freedom and joy in embracing God’s standard for parenting. We are not called to live up to the impossible standards set by society or by other parents. We are called to live in faithful obedience to God’s Word, trusting that He will equip us for the task. Parenting in God’s way doesn’t mean we will always get it right, but it does mean we can rest in His grace, knowing that He is with us every step of the way.

Today, as you parent—whether you’re a mother, father, or grandparent—remember that God’s standard is simple: love Him with everything you have, and teach that love to your children. Trust that He will provide what you need, and that His grace is more than enough to cover your imperfections.

The joy of parenting is not found in perfection, but in following God’s call. So, let go of the pressure to measure up to someone else’s standard, and find peace in the freedom of living according to God’s. He will help you do exactly what He has called you to do—no matter what.